Inter-generational Worship - Can we do it?

Let me tell you about this book I've been reading, The Church of All Ages: Generations Worshiping Together (Howard Vanderwell, editor, Alban Institute, 2008).

As Mark and I raise our children, Lane (10) and Duncan (14), we want them to be in worship with us. Now I have to admit, I've enjoyed opportunities to worship over the years without crying or pulling children and have often skipped the Great Easter Vigil because of the kids' bedtime. However, I have also been deeply transformed by my son's description of the Eucharist at age 2 - "you just put Jesus in your mouth and then he goes down inside you and fills you up." And, I continue to encounter God in conversations with my children after church when they apply the message of the sermon to what is happening in their lives or when my daughter dances to the praise music at the end of the service, or my son chooses to attend the solemn Ash Wednesday service of repentance. So, as a Congregational Consultant and as a Mom, I was impressed with this book and the authors' suggested possibilities for inter-generational worship.

"Inter-generational worship is worship in which people of every age are understood to be equally important."

When we think of diversity, the immediate association is typically related to race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, political views, religious views, or even economic class. Vanderwell et al talk about diversity of generations -bringing together the young child and the retired businessman, and all those in between, together in worship. Although many churches have turned to special services for children and special services for youth - even whole congregations that target young people with concert like music and coffee shops in the foyer while others stick firmly to tradition - although many churches have moved in this segregated direction, a great message is missed when we divide ourselves in this way. Young children need to see their parents worship. They need that example of Godly devotion. All of us need the fresh challenge of new ideas that erupt from teenagers and young adults. We also need the groundedness and wisdom that comes from a lifetime of struggle and praise. Worship, as spiritual formation, is richer when experienced together.

The Church of All Ages provides short stories of inter-generational worship that is formative and personal and powerful. Each chapter focuses on practical guidance for moving towards a more generationally diverse worship from The Power of Telling a Story to The Power of Preaching to All Ages and a step-by-step guide to Worship Planning in a Church of All Ages.

Here are a few excerpts that spoke to me:

• "There are a hundred ways to clean a kitchen, unless you are in your mother's kitchen." We each have generational defaults that tell us that a particular way of being, worshiping, relating to others, or volunteering is most appropriate. . . Their way [those of another generation] is not wrong, but their defaults are simply set differently from our own.


• Congregations too commonly mistake strategies for purpose and hold on to particular strategies as if the practice were itself holy rather than a way one might approach the Holy.


• "As I think about the concept of inter-generational worship, I am allured by the beauty of the concept. However, bringing the concept to reality will be hard work, requiring a lot of wisdom and patience. Otherwise, it could be just another divisive matter in the church." from a personal story by Jimmy Setiawan.


• According to the metaphor [you are the body of Christ, and individually members of it, 1 Cor. 12:27], every person is essential. When one person is absent, neglected, or marginalized, the body suffers, and worship ceases to be inclusive. Worship that pays attention to all ages aims to capture and implement the reality of this metaphor of the church as the Body of Christ.


• One of the beautiful things about stories is that the best ones function across generations. The event structure of a story, like falling dominoes, attracts and holds every one's attention, even young children's, while the values housed within a protagonist's conflicting motivations provide nuance and mystery for those most experienced in life.


• We have learned that it isn't really style that captures the minds and hearts of teens; it is passion.


• First, the service must focus on God - not on fun or form, not on excitement or excellence, not even on being edified by the service, but on giving praise and glory to the triune God.

Let's not underestimate the challenge here! Bringing diverse ideas and perceptions together is always a challenge. One might wish for a template, the perfect compromise or blend of contemporary and traditional music and liturgy that other churches could replicate. But that would be missing the point all together! Moving towards richer diversity among generations is a journey that begins with a safe space and respectful conversations and continues with small steps towards inclusion.

Nurturing our Seeds: Self Care

Barbara Brown Taylor in, Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith, said, "My quest to serve God in the church had exhausted my spiritual savings. My dedication to being good had cost me a fortune in being whole. My desire to do all things well had kept me from doing the one thing within my power to do, which was to discover what it meant to be fully human."

Have you ever found that your quest to serve God, your calling in ministry, exhausts your spiritual savings? Or that your job in human service work, caring for people in crisis or in chronic need is drawing down all your energy?

Another quote from the same text: "By my rules, caring for troubled people always took precedence over enjoying delightful people, and the line of troubled people never ended."

Those of us in helping professions, whether religious in nature or not, can surely relate to the never ending line! Caring for people in need seems a more noble effort than caring for our own spiritual, emotional, and physical health. In my experience, working with people in human service fields and in ministry, the passion for serving others can be so strong that we lose a bit of ourselves in the process. Losing our sense of self is one step towards a downward spiral that renders us unable to care for ourselves or for others. Burnout! And then the only solution is to quit - quit the ministry, quit our jobs, drop our volunteer leadership roles, just get away.

Here are some things I've heard from ministers, volunteers, social workers, and others . . . some of the reasons we don't take care of ourselves and how we may gradually lose ourselves in service of others:

• I feel guilty when I do something for myself, like I'm neglecting the needs of . . .
• I feel better about myself when I'm helping someone else
• Their needs are so great or there are so many who need me
• I don't know how to say no
• It makes me feel good to be needed
• It is a blessing to be able to serve
• When I'm tired, I think of all those who don't have as much as I do and it helps me keep going
• I've said I would help, I can't go back on my word or my commitment
• If I don't do it, who will? No one else is stepping up to take over

Have you said any of these? I sure have!

When Barbara Brown Taylor said, "to discover what it meant to be fully human." I think she was talking about that core part of herself - to discover her true self, her human self, her self that God created in God's image, the unique self that each of us holds, that is the seed and the beauty of creation. This discovery is the one thing that is within our power to do.

While we can be of great service to others, we can not cure or change another's world or another's heart. We can not offer salvation for another's spirit. We can not stop the endless line of people in need. We can not respond to every hunger and every thirst. But we have each been given a gift, a seed, a true self in the image of God, fully human and fully redeemed. Through the discovery of that seed and through its nurture and its growth, wholeness is a possibility, love is a possibility, healing is a possibility.

Self discovery - Self nurture - Self share

Find the seed! Don't wait another minute to begin your journey of self discovery (or to pick up where you left off). Ponder your values. What is most meaningful to you? Try to articulate the guiding principles behind the decisions you make. Try to articulate what you believe and why - not just what the Book of Common Prayer says we believe, what your political affiliation says the party stands for, or what your spouse, friends, parents, or co-workers proclaim. What do you believe at your core?

Nurture and care for the seed! Take time for yourself. Practice saying no to others for a short time each day and saying yes to something you really enjoy. Don't combine it with doing something for someone else. This is a time for nurture and rejuvenation, not multi-tasking and not zoning out (like watching TV just to forget the day) or busying yourself with something you want done but don't especially enjoy doing (that would be housework for me). You will find in this self-care a clear expression of your values and the seed will begin to grow. Make it a priority. Seeds need water to survive. They need nourishment to grow.

Share the fruit! When your spirit is healthy, there is more of you to go around. And when your seed has a strong trunk, it will keep you grounded in who you are; you will not lose yourself as easily when the storms of others wash over you. Your strength will be of good service and your passion will spread health and healing to others.

How are you doing in this journey of discovery and nurture? What have you done for yourself lately?