Nurturing our Seeds: Self Care

Barbara Brown Taylor in, Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith, said, "My quest to serve God in the church had exhausted my spiritual savings. My dedication to being good had cost me a fortune in being whole. My desire to do all things well had kept me from doing the one thing within my power to do, which was to discover what it meant to be fully human."

Have you ever found that your quest to serve God, your calling in ministry, exhausts your spiritual savings? Or that your job in human service work, caring for people in crisis or in chronic need is drawing down all your energy?

Another quote from the same text: "By my rules, caring for troubled people always took precedence over enjoying delightful people, and the line of troubled people never ended."

Those of us in helping professions, whether religious in nature or not, can surely relate to the never ending line! Caring for people in need seems a more noble effort than caring for our own spiritual, emotional, and physical health. In my experience, working with people in human service fields and in ministry, the passion for serving others can be so strong that we lose a bit of ourselves in the process. Losing our sense of self is one step towards a downward spiral that renders us unable to care for ourselves or for others. Burnout! And then the only solution is to quit - quit the ministry, quit our jobs, drop our volunteer leadership roles, just get away.

Here are some things I've heard from ministers, volunteers, social workers, and others . . . some of the reasons we don't take care of ourselves and how we may gradually lose ourselves in service of others:

• I feel guilty when I do something for myself, like I'm neglecting the needs of . . .
• I feel better about myself when I'm helping someone else
• Their needs are so great or there are so many who need me
• I don't know how to say no
• It makes me feel good to be needed
• It is a blessing to be able to serve
• When I'm tired, I think of all those who don't have as much as I do and it helps me keep going
• I've said I would help, I can't go back on my word or my commitment
• If I don't do it, who will? No one else is stepping up to take over

Have you said any of these? I sure have!

When Barbara Brown Taylor said, "to discover what it meant to be fully human." I think she was talking about that core part of herself - to discover her true self, her human self, her self that God created in God's image, the unique self that each of us holds, that is the seed and the beauty of creation. This discovery is the one thing that is within our power to do.

While we can be of great service to others, we can not cure or change another's world or another's heart. We can not offer salvation for another's spirit. We can not stop the endless line of people in need. We can not respond to every hunger and every thirst. But we have each been given a gift, a seed, a true self in the image of God, fully human and fully redeemed. Through the discovery of that seed and through its nurture and its growth, wholeness is a possibility, love is a possibility, healing is a possibility.

Self discovery - Self nurture - Self share

Find the seed! Don't wait another minute to begin your journey of self discovery (or to pick up where you left off). Ponder your values. What is most meaningful to you? Try to articulate the guiding principles behind the decisions you make. Try to articulate what you believe and why - not just what the Book of Common Prayer says we believe, what your political affiliation says the party stands for, or what your spouse, friends, parents, or co-workers proclaim. What do you believe at your core?

Nurture and care for the seed! Take time for yourself. Practice saying no to others for a short time each day and saying yes to something you really enjoy. Don't combine it with doing something for someone else. This is a time for nurture and rejuvenation, not multi-tasking and not zoning out (like watching TV just to forget the day) or busying yourself with something you want done but don't especially enjoy doing (that would be housework for me). You will find in this self-care a clear expression of your values and the seed will begin to grow. Make it a priority. Seeds need water to survive. They need nourishment to grow.

Share the fruit! When your spirit is healthy, there is more of you to go around. And when your seed has a strong trunk, it will keep you grounded in who you are; you will not lose yourself as easily when the storms of others wash over you. Your strength will be of good service and your passion will spread health and healing to others.

How are you doing in this journey of discovery and nurture? What have you done for yourself lately?