Stop . . . Breathe . . . Listen . . .

I find my way through this life by trying to understand and control. When there is chaos, I try to create structure. When there is confusion, I try to clarify. When there is mistrust, I try to be honest and real. When there is conflict, anger or discontent, I try to appease.

This strategy works, for the most part, at keeping my life stabilized and comfortable (though not particularly healthy, reflective or growing). And then there are times when events occur that I can’t balance, clarify, order, appease or even understand . . . at those times I have three choices. I can explode with the anxiety of trying to keep order. I can cut off emotional ties to the situation and imprison myself in denial. Or, I can just stop and breathe and listen.

If I can listen, I will notice that my breath is rhythmic and meditative and calming. The anxiety that comes from being unable to understand or control subsides and revelation lies waiting.

Whole systems work the same way. As a group we strive for stability, even at the expense of our health and often our friendships. Churches have the same three choices in times of disorder, change or crisis: explode with conflict; suppress emotion and become captive to superficial relationships; or stop and breathe and listen.

The third alternative creates space for seeing things in new ways, for self-reflection and behavior change, for creativity and possibility. Journaling helps me to stop and breathe. Prayer, meditation, exercise, coaching or even counseling can help as well. Helping a congregation to stop and breathe also requires process and intention such as group prayer and reflection, structured small group listening, liturgical expressions or intentional leadership from a trained interim minister, consultant or coach.

What strategies have helped you to stop, breathe and listen? What has helped your congregation?

- - you may also find this blog post on the Center for Congregational Health website at www.healthychurch.org