Growing Journey II

We all have a desire for inclusion, to be accepted, to belong, be appreciated, liked, and understood. This need is tied to our self esteem and it varies among people and situations. In those times when we feel the most confident and secure, we may require less outward signs of inclusion. When we are vulnerable and insecure, we protect ourselves or search out signs of approval.

Ambiguity creates insecurity for me. I am more confident within structure, when there are guidelines to follow, a plan for action or tradition to uphold. I also feel vulnerable when acting from an emotional rather than logical stance. And guess what? Matters of spirituality are loaded emotional issues that make people feel vulnerable and insecure. I am no exception. So, being a part of a small group that is serious about exploring issues of faith is somewhat risky business.

It felt risky in the beginning, to participate in these two groups - the Friday prayer group and the Education for Ministry Group (EFM). They were each so different - one was very informal, no agenda, no leader, no rules, "let by the Spirit", filled with conversation and prayer, scripture reading and sharing bits and pieces of journal writings. The other group had trained leaders, followed a curriculum, included a time keeper, structured discussions and activities. They were different in other ways as well - one more conservative, the other more liberal; one more charismatic, the other intellectual. Though radically different, they each created a safe place for me to seek God openly among others who were also seeking. There was a shared acceptance and vulnerability among us that encouraged stepping outside of the normal structures of Sunday worship and lectionary bible study.

I can identify a few things, looking back, that the prayer group and EFM had in common, allowing me to grow in the community of each group, feeling just enough safety from rejection or injury to keep me coming back.
Genuineness
Compassion
Respect
Confidentiality
Trust
Commitment

I'm reminded of a term being used a lot in the Episcopal Church these days - Radical Hospitality. I was personally invited to be a part of each group. This goes a long way with the need to feel included and accepted. As I began to participate, the members were intentional about including me in past experiences of the groups. There was equal sharing and equal interests in one another. Though the intensity of both groups was a bit intimidating at first, it was clear that the members were being real, showing their real selves and allowing themselves to be known. And they cared to learn about my real self too. They shared compassion for one another and for their Christian faith. Each member expressed concern towards each of the others individually as well as expressing a nurture for the group as a whole.

I wrote in my journal one day, "How can I be so different from these women? How can we have such different views of God, and yet, I can see that they are so blessed? How can they all believe so differently and still be so clearly and purely seeking God?" I was beginning to tap into and break down my images of rightness and wrongness; blackness and whiteness. I was starting to see a broader spectrum. This crack in the wall led to a deeper understanding of acceptance.

We don't have to be in agreement to appreciate the broad spectrum of our different journeys, to experience and offer radical hospitality. If this statement is true, we also don't have to pretend or try so hard to protect our real selves. We can be genuine. And when being genuine means we are different, we can protect each other from rejection and injury through compassion, respect, trust and acknowledging that we are each seekers and we are each blessed.